The "mommy" struggle!

Few days ago @dubaimother and @arabianmum sparked a conversation about honest motherhood and keeping our feelings real and there’s no harm is saying them out loud.

So just until last night did my kids realize what is it that I did before I became a “mommy” and they thought me being a news anchor on tv was “so cool”!

And my 7 year old super impressed, asked me if I can please go back to doing what I was doing but also stay their “mommy”?

The 4 year old had a meltdown because she wasn’t with me on the tv screen.

This sparked a conversation between some expat mommy friends about what each of us had to compromise , “career wise” by moving to Angola, or to follow the husband to where his own career takes him, choosing to leave behind what we have worked for and succeeded in for many years.

The one who is a fresh expat was relieved hearing the stories of how we struggled in the beginning to adjust to a life where there’s no 9 to 5 or “at home” and household responsibilities were the only things to think and worry about ,prior to having kids of course, since it’s her first year of expat and although she is adjusting very well, the feeling of abandoning things she worked for so long gets her irritated.

So you leave your job, move to a new country ,and it’s exciting. Who cares about paychecks and self fulfillment and careers! But after a few months it hits you right there in the face, that this exciting new country is now just normal and the way you are living your life is no longer fulfilling! You keep striving to progress and learn and not to keep still while you are there by learning the language and trying to meet new people from different backgrounds . All of this and at the back of your mind you are always questioning oh where would have I been if I did not abandon my career. And eventhough you try and establish a business or think of a way to practice what you love, if you are reading this and you live in Angola you will definitely understand how difficult it is to venture into something new in this country.

Then comes motherhood, and suddenly you find yourself assigned to a 24/7 job! A venture of another kind that keeps your head thinking and worrying every second of everyday and whether you are doing the right thing or not. And when you feel it’s time to take a tiny little break you look around and you notice that you don’t have the privilege of having your village with you in expat.  Wanting a break is not telling your kids you’ve had enough of them, it’s just refueling for a couple of hours not much, to be able to give them your full undivided attention when they need you. And again at the back of your mind the issue of where you would have been if u haven’t abandoned your career still pops out whenever you are feeling down and not in your element.

Fast forward a couple of years ,kids start school and suddenly you have a lot and a lot of free time on your hands again to think about how you can improve and do something meaningful in your life even while in expat. When my husband first proposed to me and mentioned the move to Africa, I was all excited and thrilled for I thought my passion of working with underprivileged kids will be fulfilled. Although this took many years to happen. I am loving my current occupation being part of the Kambamba School Project team and supporting hundreds of kids to receive an education.

And I am currently working on another interest of mine that I will be able to share very soon. My kids are not in college yet, they are 4 and 7 and are back home by 2 in the afternoon. I try to manage to give them everything they need by being their “mommy” and recently I acknowledged the idea that by doing so I needed to also give myself some time to realize what I need and long for. So yes my baby I can definitely go back to working and still be your mommy!

Expat Mommy In Angola